Are you in love or just whipped?

This past weekend was very relaxing and full of laughs and much needed girl time. I spent it shopping, clubbing, drinking and going out to eat with my best friend. She and I we're conversing about relationships and the topic of sex presented itself. We we're talking about being in love and I started thinking about the two guys I thought I loved. I say thought because they both we're mostly based off of sex. Although it was more to it then that, atleast 60% of our time involved sexing each other. If we weren't having sex we were talking about sexing each other, doing something so we can go back to sex each other, or being mad at one another so we can eventually sex each other. Don't get me wrong we were not JUST fuck buddies. In both situations I was emotionally, mentally and  physically attracted and attached to these men. But I do question if I was just dick whipped and in lust instead of true love.

I have never been the girl who can talk to someone because of their status or their money. That stuff doesn't excite me. But if I'm attracted to you physically, you have a good head on your shoulders and a big johnson in your pants I instantly like you. It is more to it then that but those are the biggest factors for me. Sex is important to me. If you can't satisfy me sexually, you can't satisfy me at all no matter how much wining and dining you do.

Can you truly have a successful relationship without good satisfying sex? The last guy I truly talked to we didn't immediately hit the sack. We went a couple of months before we actually had sex, we actually bonded on a friendship level first. He was my homeboy. I loved his company and his conversation. Honestly I was never sexually attracted to him, but he caught me at a weak moment when I was just horny. For me the sex was not the best, but it was for that moment satisfying. We had other issues besides the sex, which caused us not to workout but I don't think we could have had a successful relationship without the good sex.

The 3 components to a successful relationship
A relationship is like baking a cake. You must have the right ingredients, so it will be delicious and satisfying. If you miss one ingredient you can still eat it, but it wont taste as good. That's how I view relationships. You need the right amount of friendship, love and sex to have a successful relationship. If you lack one specific component you can be in a relationship, but there will be problems. For me I think both my failed relationships involved too much sex and not enough friendship. The love was there, but the friendship wasn't strong enough. We loved each other for all the wrong reasons. As I get older I see myself evolving and changing, because I no longer want the "fuck buddy." I want something with some substance and worthy of my heart.
I often contradict myself because I enjoy sex, so its hard for me to not have sex with someone that I am attracted too. If I get alone with someone its hard to resist those urges. I also feel like if I spend all this time getting to know someone and then I have sex with them and its not up to par I will be mad for wasting my time. If the sex is bad I honestly lose interest in them. I don't have time teaching someone how to sex me. So if your in a relationship is the sex important? Are you truly in love or are you whipped off of their sex? "Don't mistake love for sex just because you love the sex." 

9 comments:

v badbunny said...

a lot of truth and wisdom in this post. i also love that diagram!

keep it up ;)

v

Amber Lee. said...

Thanks for reading!

12kyle said...

*steps into the room for the 1st time*

Great post!

I think you made some great points. Is it love or the love of sex. I think it's both. And that's ok. We like what we like. We all have a sexual appetite. It's common for us to have a bond with those who share the same appetite. If there's an EMOTIONAL and MENTAL connection, you just aint fuck buddies. It's deeper than that.

I'm not a doctor...I just play one on tv

Amber Lee. said...

:::Waves::: Thanks for stopping by!!!

I think its the love of sex. Thats why so many people think they are in love. With time feelings develop but most are based off of a sexual relationship. Just my opinion.

But I agree with the emotional and mental connection. Very true. Thanks for commenting!!!

Anonymous said...

For me personally sex is a major compo....nent in relationships and ill have to admit I've been dick whipped..so now my issue is waiting on sex because if we wait and then u suck im completely tturned off....mszplainjane

Ashley said...

I can't pretend to like you and the sex is horrible. I've had a relationship where we were friends first then a relationship then the sex. I thought the sex was cool enough to get my fix for the time being. But anybody else, If the sex is bad, everything else will become bad. I don't have anything to look forward to. Now I have been dick whipped and I aint afraid to admit it ! lol and that's just our understanding. Nothing more nothing less. Just sex.

Ashley said...

I can't pretend to like you and the sex is horrible. I've had a relationship where we were friends first then a relationship then the sex. I thought the sex was cool enough to get my fix for the time being. But anybody else, If the sex is bad, everything else will become bad. I don't have anything to look forward to. Now I have been dick whipped and I aint afraid to admit it ! lol and that's just our understanding. Nothing more nothing less. Just sex.

Amber Lee. said...

@Janice aka MsPlainJane.. Im so happy you commented. I can believe u admitted to being dick whipped. I know I definitely have been. But its normal right?

@Ashley but that was the difference you had a relationship. So you weren't whipped. Your relationship was able to fully develop. (the way it should be) But honestly I grow impatient sometimes I just want it. And if its good.. bump all that mess your talking just give me my fix

Felicia said...

I think you can be in love without being just whipped if the sexual relationship takes place after building a friendship.