It's not me.. its actually you!

I met this guy named "Ryan" back in the summer time. He caught my eye and I actually tried to be grown up and approach him, which I never do. Well I think I came off too aggressive, because he was super reserved at first. But long story short he was a dope person. I never blogged about him because I didn't want to jinx myself, but he basically was everything I was looking for in a guy.  He graduated from college, had a job, nice car,  own place, super cute, physically fit, didn't smoke or drink, regularly went to church, into the arts and he loved my poetry. He is a true gentlemen and complimented me every chance he got and was sincere about it. I found myself taking more breaks during work, just so I could converse with him. He would text me inspirational messages every morning and called me every night before he went to bed. I was Jonesin hard. I bet your wondering what was wrong with him, well he had a kid.

I'm not knocking those with children but I don't have any and frankly I don't see myself having any kids anytime soon. Honestly, I am spoiled and require lots of attention and I hate sharing. I need to be someones top priority not their last. But Ryan is actually a great dad. He coaches his sons baseball team, takes him to museums and has dad/son nights. All these things are great, but he started rescheduling and canceling more dates then I could count. He told me a couple of stories about how he never had his father in his life and wanted to be the dad he never had. He also shared some of the problems he used to have with his sons mother and they were finally at a point of understanding. I definitely can respect a man for taking care of his children, hell we watch enough Maury to know how many deadbeats there are lingering in our streets. As fantastic of a dad he is, his lack of time for me was obvious. So I made an attempt to mark him off the list and move on. We actually still keep in contact, because we're blackberry messenger friends and he reached out to me when I had the flu. He fixed me some homemade chicken noodle soup, brought me some cough drops, kleenex and theraflu. The gesture was very cute and thoughtful and we made plans to hangout once I got well. Well the cycle never ends because we made movie plans and he cancelled. I don't even bring him up to my friends anymore, because I already know what they will say.
When he does have time I'm busy, or at least I pretend to be. I hate being on someone else's schedule. I know I'm too old to be jealous, especially of a kid but I am. So that's why I don't do well with the whole baby daddy/ kid situation. We were texting one another last night and it eventually lead to us conversing on the phone. He knows I love sports and the fact that Carmelo Anthony is my favorite NBA player, so he asked me what team I thought he should go to. The next thing I know he was asking me if I wanted to go to the Celtics (my favorite team) game with him in March. I easily wanted to scream "YES RYAN" but reality set in. I don't want to get my hopes up and then he cancels on me again, so I told him I would get back with him on the offer. I'm really confused on what I should do. Yes, were friends but we both like each other. Apart of me tells me to run away before I get my feelings hurt, but something is keeping me near. I really don't know what to do at this point. I guess only time can tell.


2 comments:

Monique said...

Take it from a single parent, it's difficult to date. I've been in the position where I didn't have a child and dated someone with one and it was so hard to be in sync. The child will always take priority so you have to determine just how flexible you are willing to be in the early stages. Who's to say that down the road you guys don't find a middle ground and he's able to balance his attention with you and his son. it's quite possible but you need to figure out if he's worth the investment of time and headaches (because there will be more, trust me.).

Amber No Rose said...

yeah it seems like now he doesn't know how to balance it at all. I feeling like i'm waisting my time on someone and thats kinda how i feel at this point.