Is Marriage a Business Deal?

Its a typical Sunday for me and I am watching, The Real Housewives of New Jersey with my bestie. Funny thing is every time we watch this show we simultaneously start conversing about marriage, kids and this lavish lifestyle that we dream of in our heads. We started rambling about ex flings and compatibly and one guy in particular popped up. Basically this guy used to dig my friend to the core. He moved away and got married in less than a year. "If he would have proposed to me I would have accepted it." My friend never liked this man. He was super awkward, lame, would stutter and sweat profusely out of nervousness. Now why would you marry someone you never liked? She said she could grow to like him. So this made me think is marriage a business deal? Are we supposed to grow to like people? Are marriages supposed to solely look good on paper? I thought marriage was supposed to be with someone you love, cared and respected. IMO marriage is forever, and I don't want to get divorced because of irreconcilable differences. That is marriage right? Aren't we supposed to have differences, but as a union grow and find happy mediums?

My sister who was recently married 2 years ago says to make sure you do research on him. Check his family history. Take premarital counseling. Make sure this is someone you can see forever with. I told her she makes its seem like a research project. She said, "Oh but it is and that's just the beginning."

My sister told me there will be plenty of things that he will do that I will absolutely hate. She says, you will have petty arguments over the dumbest things like putting the ketchup in the refrigerator. But your union has to be strong enough to succumb these obstacles. If you care about your mate you will be willing to work on your union. Its hard-work and the road isn't a straight shot. You will hit curbs, twist and potholes throughout the journey of marriage.

She always tells me this. In a way it is a bit discouraging, especially since I don't even have a boyfriend nor someone that I would even consider marrying. So to know once "he" does come along I will have to deal with all of this? I mean I know marriage hell even relationships aren't suppose to be easy, but I want to marry for love. The money and nice things would definitely be a plus, however I don't want to marry someone just to say look I'm married. Love is not a business deal. Business deals fail, true love never expires.


Danielle B said...

Many of the things your sister told you are very accurate. Marriage is hard. Its a partnership and if you are not willing to put in the work then it can easily fail. Amber there is no reason to feel discouraged. Just be patient. She was simply giving you some insight, so that when your time comes you will know what to expect. Nice post.

Amber Lee. said...

Thanks for commenting Danielle. I'm being patient trust me. Marriage is something I would never just rush into. I mean I am saying this as a single women, but I want a La-La Vasquez and Carmelo Anthony type of engagement. We really need to make sure.. no rushing into anything for me.

MissThirty2 said...

I want to genuinely love my husband amd vice versa. I don't want feel like I'm settling or I'm only doing bc I don't want to be the single friend. I also want pretty lengthy engagement. No rushing. My grandparents have been married over 30years. That's what I want. Not a 2yr marriage bc we weren't ready.

Amber Lee. said...

I totally agree. I think people RUSH into so fast without thinking long term.