Just another Tuesday

I just want to scream and ask God why over and over again until I'm hoarse.

Have you ever felt alone? Not physically alone like being at home by yourself, but alone in the sense that no one is there. That's how I feel.

For most of us Tuesday is just the day after Monday and one day closer to hump day. For college kids Tuesday is the official buffalo wild wing day, where we find ourselves stuffing our mouths with $.40 cent chicken wings. But for me Tuesday, October 25th changed my entire life.

If you know me then you know I'm big on interpreting numbers and the hidden messages within them. Let me explain. Each number has its own meaning. So the number "25" can be broken down like so----> 2+5=7 7=Thought/consciousness.. So for me the 25th was a day that everything was placed on the line.

My Tuesday started off normal I went to work 8:30-6:00pm got off, walked to my car and then got an unexpected phone call from my dad. My dad tells me he is in the hospital. Of course i start freaking out and crying until he assured me everything was okay. However when i think of the hospital i think of sickness and death, I've just been conditioned that way.

I found out my dad has cancer last Wednesday. I find myself questioning my faith and Gods decisions. I know its wrong but I need answers. I know we are servants of God, so questioning him is wrong but I cant grasp why this has happened. My dad asked for me to be strong but its hard. I can easily put a fake ass smile on my face and pretend I'm okay when I'm not. I just want to scream and ask God why over and over again until I'm hoarse. I know cancer doesn't necessarily mean death, but I JUST lost my uncle to cancer to weeks ago. Now my dad has been diagnosed with the same disease that my uncle lost his life too.

I know that we are not promised tomorrow. The present is a gift. However no one prepares for this. The stress, the worries, the what ifs. I wouldn't wish this on my worse enemy. I'm trying to be strong for my dad but it hurts. So this Tuesday when your done voting, stuffing your face with chicken wings and watching the Celtics and piston's game please remember Tuesday is more than just a day of the week. Its the day that changed my life.