Are you good enough to be the girlfriend?

First and foremost this is my disclaimer: I have never met anyone from any type of social network until this person. Carry on...

So, I'm scrolling through my instagram and wahla I find this really attractive guy who I have never seen before. Its very rare to see a cute guy in my city that I don't already know of, so you can imagine how shocked I was. It's like finding a new clothing store that no one knows about for the first time. So I liked a few of his pictures and kept it moving. He starting doing the same thing, now we are having full out conversations (lame I know, sue me) on his photos. This guy then found me on twitter, started following me and the next thing I know he's asking for my number through my direct message. I have only exchanged my contact number via dm for networking purposes and back in my twitter 09 days to a few celebs. Any who, I actually gave my real number to this guy and freaked completely out afterwards. I remember I called my best friend Ashley and spazzed out before she was able to calm me down and tell me to chill out.

The next Mr. Instagram calls me. I never ever answer numbers that aren't saved in my phone, but something told me this was him. I answered and he seems very sweet (as they all do in the beginning) and briefly told me about himself. He was single, college educated, 29, no kids, works for the government, no kids, has his own car, no kids and own apartment. Oh and he doesn't have any kids. This thrilled me solely because this odds of meeting someone like this was one in a million. I have settled and started to allow myself to talk to guys with a CHILD not children, (plural) because the likely hood of finding one without any has become so rare. Mr. Instragram & I chatted for about 20 minutes, which seemed like hours before he told me he would call me when he got off work.

He calls back a few hours later and we just clicked. It seemed natural. I wasn't nervous or shy like I assumed I would be, since I didn't really know him. After name dropping a few names, we realized we had a few mutual friends that had no connections to one another. Everything seemed peachy.

So fast forward it to a few weeks he wants to now see me. All of a sudden those butterflies that I thought I somehow got rid of came rushing back. I remember feeling the urge of wanting to throw up. So after consulting with my friends, showing them pictures of him and texting them his address (I watch too many Lifetime movies) I finally went over there. He was cute. He had braces which through me off a bit but it wasn't anything that I couldn't look pass. I remember thinking his apartment is so messy. Did he forget I was coming over here? Guys, having a messy place is not cute, I don't care how busy you are. A dirty apartment = dirty balls. I remember he had candles lit and was trying to lead me to his bedroom, which i wasn't going for. I was very uncomfortable and stayed a short minute before making up some excuse on why I had to leave so suddenly.

He reached out a few times after that and explained his reasoning. He didn't have cable, and didn't want to just sit in the living room. His DVD player was in the bedroom. Whatever, I thought but he was cute and seemed pretty nice. So basically I continued talking with him. We eventually had sex and he was pretty good. I had just got of a relationship with a nympho. So I wasn't used to sex that didn't consist of some wild xxx type of stuff that should be on porn hub or something. He was still keeping my attention, so I continued seeing him.

Now its been 6 months since my initial first contact. Our "hey there" text messages have now lead to "I miss you baby" text. I talk to him EVERY SINGLE DAY, sometimes 3-4 times. I see him all the time. We go out often. I've brought him things (nothing expensive I am no ones trick) and he's taken me out here and there. We are at that weird stage where its like, okay so what is this. I hate being the "what are we" girl, so I usually stay quiet until: A) I'm completely over it and exhausted all hope. B) Someone new catches my eye C) I wait for him to make the next major move. The thing is A and B has not happened and he has yet to make any move.

I never want any man to feel like I have forced them to be with me. I am definitely Gods gift to men. (in my head at least) I really am a great catch. If I like you, I will do nothing but support you and push you to be as great as you humanly can be. I have a great job, make good money, have my own, I go to church faithfully, college educated etc. So I'm really stuck thinking what is the problem? I think I just caught a classic case of catching feelings with someone who wasn't willing to catch me back.

The not good enough to be my girl "friend"

Lately I feel like I keep finding myself in the same cycle with men. And I don't even seek after hood dudes anymore or athletes. A few years ago that's all I was checking for. These are regular suburb type of dudes, with jobs, 401k's etc. I have completely changed on how I used to view and act towards men. I used to be that black girl with an attitude for no reason. Who said no to every little thing. I have really opened up to alot of things, and I have completely transformed and turned my attitude around. I have more realistic standards and I try to find the good in people instead of being so quick to throw in the towel. Yet, I still find myself being the girl that isn't good enough to be the official girlfriend.

I mean I know guys aren't loosely throwing the girlfriend term around, but we can disregard the "boothang, wifey, baby" like terms. I'm not settling for almost being your girlfriend. I'm getting too old for all of that. I used to think something was wrong with me, but that's far from the truth. Like I said before I am a great person/catch. I guess I'm not ratchet enough or something. That whole "there's a perfect person for all of us" stuff is running its course. I'm not trying to be Benzino and Karlie Redd and move in and start saying I love you after just 3 weeks. But in my opinion 6 months is enough time to make your mind up on continuing on a relationship.

I don't know if I'm rushing something that needs more time. Maybe I have become one of the girls that wants a boyfriend so bad that she doesn't care who steps up to the plate. Either way it goes, I know I like and care for him. He's the only person I spend time with and show any interest in. I just know I'm not content with our current standing. I'm not sure where he wants this to go. I am differently dreading asking him that. I feel like once that question is unleashed, emotions and vulnerability will come along with it. That's something I am not willing to display until I know where his head and heart is.