If it wasn't for "HE"

Last night was one of those nights. All i wanted to do was be up under "Free"
No make up on my face, hair in a pony tail w/ my glasses on.. just laying around in his oversized tshirt and sweat pants. I just miss his smile. His sarcasm. His touch. His kiss. I miss us. its so weird for me to even speak of Fred. Sometimes when my friends and i are talking about past relationships/ failures i'll stop because i think i'm talking about him too much. He can call me and I still get those tingly butterflies in the pit of my stomach. We had that, "I did you wrong..you did me wrong, i'll take you back..you take me back" kind of relationships. But the crazy thing is it openly worked for us. I was never looking for Mr. Right (hell i'm only 21) but he was my Mr. Then. I didnt even deserve any better because i was doing the same shit he was doing (just better) because i had a slicker approach. Hell i'll take that back.. he caught me a few times caking it up with guys. I never saw him with another girl but i wasnt stupid. He left evidence around his apartment (dumb ass) But for the most part we were honest with each other. There were no lies. We didnt ask questions that we didnt want to know the answer to. We barely argued.. if we did it was because we were intoxicated at a party or something. but we would just later have make up sex and everything would be better. (haha) Love isnt my forte. But i did love him.. just wasn't in love with him. I think you can love anyone because love is merely just caring and showing affection towards another person. But being in love is something way beyond me. Mentally, Emotionally, Spiritually, and Physically you have to make a connection with a person. I have not found that nor really looking for that right now. But i really feel that out of all the guys i "strongly liked" (only about 3 in total) he had the most potential. I miss it. That damn 4 am blues.